I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
