Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
