5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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