my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
