i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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