Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
