Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
