So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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