Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
