And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
