He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
