I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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