Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
