too bad you live with your parents still
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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