apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Come back. Shots need mouths.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
