just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
