I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
