even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
