So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
