why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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