While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
