just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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