final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
