I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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