Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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