No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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