Buhtt sex?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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