she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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