I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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