I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
