You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
