I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Drake has all the answers
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