Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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