battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
