So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
