I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
