FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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