Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
