don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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