Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
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I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
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Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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