'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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