Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
