How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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