How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
