You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
