Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
