laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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