I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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