He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
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What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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