You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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