bring money and cleavage
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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