I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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