I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
