I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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