I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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