Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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