ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
