I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
