i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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