I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
