My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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