Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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