I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
