i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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