Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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