What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
