she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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