We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
