Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
