u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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