Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
