Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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