I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
