i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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