where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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