mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
