We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
