I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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