I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
