I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
