My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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