Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
