she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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