I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
