there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
