I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
